Faith

Merry Christmas

"Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" 2 Corinthians 9:15

After waiting for years upon years, the Messiah was born.  For those of us waiting for our own children, can't we relate to the joy of such an incredible promise finally fulfilled?!  Grace was born!!!

All Creation Waits & Moans

It is Christmas Eve.

Tonight, in the quiet darkness, I can almost hear the cries of Mary in labor.  My own soul is crying with her.  Not because of the pains of childbirth, but because I LONG for Jesus to come.  He IS coming again.  In a stable in Bethleham, He became the Author of our faith.  And some day, when He returns, He will prove Himself to also be faith's Perfector.

And don't we long for His perfection? Today, we love Him, but we are still filled with sin.  Yet some day, He will finish the work that He started in us. We will be made whole, to love Him fully.

Over 2,000 years ago, it was Mary who was groaning in expectation.  Today Christians, with all of creation, await the day He comes again.  Sweet Jesus, we wait on You alone.

 "For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."    Romans 8: 22-25

Community

When I was pregnant, I recieved daily emails that told me what to expect with my body, the baby's development, my emotions, etc.   I gravitated towards other pregnant women who could help me filter thoughts & concerns.  After Caroline was born, I had books and moms who could help me manage my every expectation.

We need the same thing with adoption!  We need friends who let us know that our emotions are normal, and what to expect in the legal system, and how to handle attachment and bonding after your child is home. 

My friend Joy gave me this advice when I first met her, & I can't tell you how amazing it has been following it. (Better yet, she has helped me make connections, which I hope to now be able to do for others.)

If you've already adopted, PLEASE seek out and reach out to those starting the process in the same way that Joy did for me! It makes a difference! My best advice for those adopting for the first time? Find an adoption community!!!

Big Families

I often hear people making rude remarks behind the backs of those about to have their third or fourth children. Are large families really a form of abuse and neglect towards your precious first and second borns?? I don’t think so.

We need to remember that the Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord! We also need to remember that there are MILLIONS of orphans whose cries are heard by God, and that the joy of following His call to embrace them in love will ALWAYS overshadow whether your existing children were able to have the newest clothes or a Wii.

I read the blogs of several women who have 6, 7, 8, 9 children! Trying to imagine their daily lives blows my mind. It is a drastic measure. But God calls Christians to drastic love! And they all testify that their children have gained remarkably more by being among so many siblings than they ever would have otherwise. And they testify that adoption is an indescribable blessing.

I can't imagine God entrusting Brad & me with such sweet & great responsibility as a large family. But I do know that if He does, it will be a precious lesson on learning to rely only on Him for what we’d be POWERLESS to do on our own.  All I know at the moment is that I CAN'T WAIT to go to Uganda!!!

IT'S ALIVE!! (the Word of God!)

Do you want to understand the Bible? Sure, commentaries are valuable. Sermons and Bible studies are priceless. But do you REALLY want your HEART, even more than your MIND to grasp what God is trying to tell you? Then do this: Take one frightening step of utter obedience. For us, that step was to start the adoption process.

I have been absolutely floored at how our adoption has suddenly opened my eyes to what so much of the Bible is really saying. As I loved and worried about our baby living in a third world country, I suddenly saw how bizarre our lifestyle is as Americans. I saw that WE are like the rich young ruler who Jesus challenged… the rich young ruler who had kept every commandment, but wasn’t willing to give up His wealth in exchange for the Kingdom of God.

All of the sudden, the topic of “riches” leapt from the scripture. Jesus talked about it everywhere He went, didn’t He? In the Gospels, He doesn’t STOP talking about it. He KNEW that it’d be our stumbling block… that its security would become our god. He knew the transformative power of giving to the poor, and of counting all of your worldly blessings “as loss”… as nothing more than distracters from the only true Blessing. And the Word of God became alive.

Then, my heart went a step further. Our baby does not share our blood, but you could NEVER convince me that (s)he isn’t our child. And I thought, WOW. This is what God meant by the family of Christ. I began reading blogs of other adoptive families… hearing their stories… seeing how their hearts, because of Jesus, mirrored the good parts of my own heart. And I thought again, WOW. We really are sisters. Blood relatives… not by our own blood, but by the blood of Christ.

Dear God, You are good! My heart is still so black, and in need of Your grace. But You transform us through you Spirit, through Your Word, and through prompting us to take steps of obedience into the life you always wanted for us.

Are YOU ready to understand the Bible more? I know I am! Let’s live lives that help us see just how “living & active” the Scripture really is! And then, let’s love God more!

Hee Hee

Any of you in the adoption process feel a little bit like this?   :-) 

My Shameless Plea

GOOD MORNING!!!!!! Good, good, good morning!

We have a good God, & we have good news!!!!  Our CANs have been mailed to our social worker... translation? God answered our prayers for timing completely and even more quickly than ANYONE ever imagined!  It's looking like we'll be traveling in the summer, when Caroline can stay with my parents!!!

There is one catch... (& this is where I shamelessly ask you for your prayers.) Yes, our home study will probably be totally finished next week, and ready to send off to DHR.  BUT Brad & I never fathomed this day would come so miraculously soon, and it brings with it some great expenses.  Expenses which we hadn't planned on paying until late January at the earliest.  (That teaches us not to look out for God's miracles, right!?)  So please pray that God would show us how to get these funds together ASAP.  This first financial leg is the hardest... after the home study, the world of loan & grant applications opens up to us. Shew!!

I've worried about God's timing a lot lately... but this time, I think I'm starting to get it. He's shown us again & again that His Will will be done, and His timing is gracious & loving. So no matter what circumstances APPEAR to be, we do not care! We believe in God's loving control over all things! Praise God for all that He is ready to do!

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

As A Baby

We hear it all of the time.  Jesus humbled Himself enough to come into the world as a baby.

But wow... I don't think I ever got it like I have this year.  Maybe it's because babies are on my brain so much.  Caroline isn't two yet & is a baby in her own right, and our thoughts are always on a tiny little soul in Uganda whom we already love.  I am very aware of the fragility of this little baby whom we can't yet hold.  Maybe his/her helplessness is highlighted in my mind by the fact that we are powerless to help our second child until we are finally together.

But when you think of the BIGNESS of God... how we can't even fathom the universe, yet He is the God of it and many more... and how He knows the smallness of a fetus's heart beating, and creates the tiniest molecules and holds them together... I don't know. I just think, how did You have time for us?  This huge place we call Earth is less than a speck of dust given the size of all that we know exists... so what are we on this little speck?  And why would You, our God, choose to become so small?  Why would You want to dwell among us? Especially when You knew we would ignore You, deny You, hate You.  But still, You were pleased to be called "Emmanuel -- God with us."

Please, God... make us aware of the incredible love You showered down by being willing to be born as a baby. A despicable creature known as a human.  All to redeem us -- to pay the ransom which bought us from sin, which had kidnapped us from You.  Thank You that you would be so small.

Alabama Approved Us!

Woohoo! We got word this week that the state of Alabama completed our background check & has deemed us worthy to adopt. This is a HUGE deal... this is 1/2 of what might have delayed our travel time. It makes me very hopeful that we will be able to leave Caroline (pictured) with my mom on her summer break while we travel.  God's timing is perfect, regardless of what happens -- but it sure does make me happy when our prayers are answered in the way that we asked them to be!! (Immature of me, I know!)

Now we're waiting on our CAN's (Child Abuse & Neglect Clearances), which will mean that our Home Study can be brought to a very happy end! (... if we can finish up those items dependent on us!)

Fighting to See Christ

Friends who live near our church put a huge birthday banner in their yard every year… “Happy Birthday Jesus!” I love it, because it helps with this fight to remember that Christmas is, well, about Christ.

I confess: this may be the first holiday season that I’ve made a considerable effort to remember Jesus first. It is a beautiful battle. Aren’t we silly to be distracted by shiny packages and bows, which sit before us in our town on a tiny little speck of dust called earth? Especially in comparison to an infinitely HUGE, MIND BLOWING, AWE INSPIRING, AMAZING GOD. A GOD who chose to stoop so low as to love us. To call us his children. To be our Husband. To be born into this wretched world, which is backwards enough to cheer for TV shows & new cars, yet forget about His incredible Love. He was born. GRACE was born. As a baby.

I heard that in a song this morning. “Grace was born.” It shocked me. Wow! GRACE was BORN. As a tiny baby. A tiny baby was the climax of the world’s waiting & moaning for something BETTER. For SALVATION. We still don’t quite grasp it. So we sit on earth, pursuing our careers & families & vanity & possessions… ignoring the fact that our Savior Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, is pursuing US!

I was in the car, thinking about how often we forget Jesus in the midst of Christmas, and I hear this lullabye playing. And I hear them sing to that little baby Christ:

and if we lose sight
of your sweet face
at the birth of grace,
at the birth of grace
light of truth shine
like Bethlehem's star
lead us to where you are,
show us who you are

merciful one
lover of every soul
the Father's own Son
Emmanuel
yes, we believe,
you are able to heal us
Noel, noel,
save us all
little babe in the straw
save us all
little babe in the straw

You're Not My Dad!!

I have posted once before about the pain I can imagine feeling if our child, whom we're about to adopt, never ACTS like we are his/her parents.  How heartbreaking would it be to hear the words, "You're not my parents!"

Yet this is what we've done to God.  And here is God's reply:

"I thought: How I long to make you My sons and give you a desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of all the nations.  I thought: You will call Me, "my Father," and never turn away from Me!  However, as a woman may betray her lover, so you have betrayed Me, house of Israel.  [...]  Return, you faithless children.  I will heal your unfaithfulness."  Jeremiah 3: 19, 20, 22

We have rejected our Father.  We have cheated on our Husband. And He lovingly says, "Come back. I'll fix it."  I don't know about you, but I pray that I would no longer be the adulterous wife, nor the child screaming, "you're not my dad!"  I have rebelled enough against God, yet I am powerless in my own strenth to do anything but continual rebellion.  But it's okay, because my Almighty Savior says the HE will heal my unfaithfulness.  And I know He can.  Praise God.

Just for Giggles

Let me just disclaim that I DO think pregnancy is a precious gift -- but I loved this cartoon for flying in the face of those who think adoption is "second best."  It made me giggle!

My Worst Adoption Conversation

I was recently at a party where our adoption came up.  The string of awful & inappropriate one-liners I got in response were uncomfortably funny enough for a sitcom.  It's amazing how much wrong can be said in two minutes. Here are some of my favorites:

1. THEM: "Caroline's getting big! It's time to have another one, don't you think!"  ME: "I do! We're adopting from Uganda this summer!  THEM:  "Isn't that in Africa!?!"  (ok, I guess you had to see his weirded-out face to get this one.)
2. SOMEONE ELSE:  "What? Isn't it expensive???"  ME: It can be, depending on what adoption route you take.  THEM:  "How much will it cost YOU?"  ME:  "umm... $XX??"   THEM:  "WHAT!? Why does it cost so much to buy a child?"
3. ANOTHER:  "Don't you want more kids of your own?"     (They will all be my own, you nut!)
4. ME: "Yes, we'll probably get pregnant again.  YET ANOTHER: "WHAT!?! You're crazy. I don't know why ANYONE would have more than 2 kids."
5. SOMEONE TRYING TO BE GRACIOUS:  "Well it's a good thing. There are lots of those orphans out there I'm sure."   ME:  "There really are. I'd love for our church to have an orphan emphasis Sunday sometime, because I really think there are so many people here who could give such a great home to some of those children."      .............     crickets .......   Conversation officially dead.

How to Cure a Bad Pastor's Wife

I was 20 years old. I had one leg in religion, and the other in rebellion. And I wondered why I kept falling.

I was a prisoner. I was miserable. I had seen glimpses of God’s glory… big, fat, mind numbing glimpses. But I was more interested in my own glory. By the time I started realizing what a mess I was in, shame flooded over every inch of my being. It paralyzed me. I felt like my shame was even bigger than the cross, and I wondered whether I had gone too far for even His wide arms of mercy.

God began to change my life at a rapid pace. It took a few years, but it was clear that He was picking me straight up out of my circumstances and setting me back down in the path of His will. I was speechless. He was so GOOD! And somehow, that made me feel more ashamed.

By the time I married Brad, who was in the ministry, it almost felt laughable. In fact, we did laugh. I laughed with all of my college friends, saying, “Can you believe that I would be a minister’s wife? I might be the worst one ever.”

And I was. I knew it. I was too self-conscious to be thoughtful, and too needy to see needs. God had surely picked me up out of my rot, but I was still accustomed to the slums. I felt out of place in all of the purity. When I think back to those days, I wonder how horrid I must have seemed. My smiles were all so tense, my speech so reserved, my clothes all so tight!!!!

I wonder how the church must have seen me. I would not have liked me. And what do you DO if your church staff is married to someone horrid?

I’ll tell you what they SHOULD do. I’ll tell you what our church did for me. It was a miracle.

They loved me. Brad loved me, and the church reached out to me. Instead of scolding me for missing Bible studies, they invited us to dinner. Instead of noticing my attire, they noticed opportunities to send notes, and small gifts, and sweet hellos. Instead of seeing me, they saw who God would make me.

And something amazing happened. I believed in God’s love.

I believed that God was loving on me through His people. And it rocked my worldview. I had always seen God as a God of judgment, wrath, justice, jealousy, and righteous anger. But what I saw now was that His mercy and love were even greater than I’d imagined. He was still a God of justice… only He had turned justice up-side down through the cross – so much so that He could pour out grace on someone as shame-ridden as me! And He could change even my hardened heart.

I’m telling you, there is no better cure for the bad minister’s wife than to love on them. Three and a half years later, I am here to tell you that it changed me – and is still changing me today. I can’t get enough of that Love that I tasted so clearly through our church… only now, I know to go straight to the Source! And I’m starting to learn how to give the same love away. It is a sweet process. Jesus is so sweet, and I love how He uses us -- His brothers & sisters -- to pass along His blessings!